bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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