I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
