I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
