Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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