goodnight i made you a song goodbye
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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