too bad you live with your parents still
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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