Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
