Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
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I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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