Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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