Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
