It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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