The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
