you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
