***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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