I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
