He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
