he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
