Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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