HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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