Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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