Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
