K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
