That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
