Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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