You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
