she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
