4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
