You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
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he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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