and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
