READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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