There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
