I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
