I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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