either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
