You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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