so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
