He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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