i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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