It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Farmville is her only friend.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
