just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
