we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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