Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
