I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
