Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
