i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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