its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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