I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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