even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
