Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
