she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
