am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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