Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
