He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
