hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
