dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
