its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
