you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
this hospital has no fireball
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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