God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
