Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
