That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
