I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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