the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
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Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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