My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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