one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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