Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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