she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
