after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
