i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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