census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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