woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
