So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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